What’s a Wedding?

I’m getting to the age where everyone asks if I’m getting married at every occasion possible. It’s a nuisance because I am nowhere close to getting married. So obviously, now feels like a good time to be objective about the social perceptions of weddings.
– Is it fair to say that weddings are a scam, because the location and style of the wedding will not affect how I feel about my spouse?  – I would be happy to get married anywhere, with a similar level of enthusiasm as I would be happy to vacation anywhere. If the company is good, it’ll be fine.

I think people like to have their wedding at glamorous  locations just for the WOW factor. But weddings don’t actually require guests, so those weddings are for narcissism.      Some religious formalities don’t include dancing or wine; so if the theme is dutiful-pious, then the whole thing could be done in 10 minutes [prayer, vows, paperwork]. After all, getting married is easy, staying married till death do us part is harder.
But people still usually go for classy-extravagance style weddings, just to make a big event out of it. & Force their friends and loved ones to travel distances, and buy nicer clothing.
Of course, None of it will matter if the person you’re marrying isn’t passionate about being married.
I firmly believe that modern day people tend to get married for the wrong reasons, and/or expect too much from the union.  Societal pressure, or religious expectation; confusing lust with love, or financial strain; emotional dependence, or insecurity. Most people aren’t mentally prepared for married life, and struggle with the spouse-self life-balance afterward.

I saw a Shakespeare play recently; As You Like It, and in the final scene there’s a wedding where 4 couples are married in one ceremony.  Rosalind to Orlando, the jester to Audrey, the shepherd to the shepherdess, and Celia to Oliver. The wedding ceremony is brief and afterward all the characters gleefully renaissance dance in a circle.
–  Perhaps it was a simpler time, and people were happier with their choices because of their shorter lifespans. Perhaps marriage was informal back then, so people committed to it nonchalantly. Or perhaps people were just aware that the ceremony is less important as the spousal commitment itself [which doesn’t explain why they’d get married having known each other less than a week].
Fast forward 400 years,
There’s a tv show on Netflix right now called Cheapest Weddings, where Australian couples economize their wedding spending.  About half of the couples are doing this  because of other priority life expenses, and the other half because of a previous divorce [no sense in having an elaborate wedding  for a marriage that might not last].
Most of these ‘cheap’ weddings still cost ~$5k, and resemble a regular party.
Just thinking about organizing a extravagant event is a headache. And not even in my imagination will it ever be as fun or themed as want it to be.
Specialty event costs are high, because no one owns a restaurant that already offers the location, catering, tables, and chairs. Which means that each and every thing has to be hired out individually.
Easiest-case scenario is a restaurant party thrown beside a seasonal event. Ideally, a faire or festival, or something of a similar themed ambiance.  At least that way, the entertainment and decorations are taken care of. Buy dinner and  drinks for the family at a restaurant, and then release them all into the festival.  No fuss.

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People Don’t Change: this is you

The way you do 1 thing, is the way you do all things.
If you like a  [insert an adjective: creative/modest/hectic/messy/tidy/unadventurous] home, you’re a [adjective]  person, your work environment is also [adjective], Everything you do will be [adjective].
People don’t change. People lie to themselves about situations where they could potentially change, but they always fall short.

I have a dear friend, who is a slob. Years ago, when I first met them, they were this way, and now, years later they are still this way.   They lie to themselves, and to everyone else, saying things like, “when this happens, I’ll be totally different”.  But people don’t change.  This friend has traversed many life milestones, yet their behaviors have stayed the same throughout.
Trusting that you’ll be proficient at something that you’ve never put into practice   is delusion.   No one wakes up suddenly and has an innate desire to be dramatically different; people are obstinate, and it takes time and training to learn new habits.

I have a different friend who preaches about being a traditionalist-at-heart, but his life is the exact opposite of this; he’s actually a Nonconformist in every way.  He doesn’t have a traditional home, he doesn’t have a traditional career, he doesn’t sleep or eat or behave in traditional ways. He preaches about what a romantic he is, but in 47-yrs has never been in a long-term relationship.  He just likes to lie to himself and others about the type of person he is.

I have other friends that also like to lie to their dates.
They lie about being more interesting than they actually are,  having more hobbies or more talent; being more successful or more conservative. They have no reason to lie about these things, since their dates are new acquaintances with no preconceived notions, but they do it anyway, risking the possibility  that their date may figure out the truth; in essence, setting themselves up for failure.

People appreciate honesty, but Being honest with oneself is just as difficult. Self-confidence plays a role, so does denial, procrastination, humor, presentation. ect.
Question your own behaviors to see if they even remotely align with how you’ve been picturing yourself.
Do imagine yourself to be more generous than you actually are?  More kind? More social?
If you wanted to change yourself, could you? -Or would you most likely continue being  the same person  you are now?

Tech Fatigue

In the age of technology, I find myself with less and less enthusiasm for it. Especially when I think about how it’s restructured the way that humans socially interact.
Perhaps it all happened too quickly.
Over the past 3 decades tech has gone from the 8inch floppy, to 5inch, to 3.5inch, to USB, to SD, to Micro SD, to cloud. A home computer tower used to be the size of a car tire, now they’re the size of a soda can. My grandparents had records, then laser disks, then cassette tapes, then CDs, then minidisks, then MP3s, iPods, now literally everything is streamed onto our phones and tablets.
The era of intangibility.
People would rather be on their phones maintaining their digital life, than having a tangible experience. A ‘like’ instead of a visit, a Instagram-opportunity instead of date, a ‘check in’ instead of eye-contact.
With technology continually making advances every year, I find myself fantasizing about a simpler time. So I think back as far as I can remember, and then I realize that I’m visualizing the 90s.
The 90s was not a great decade, but it was before the technology era ramped up. Phones were still tethered to the house, photographs still  had to be developed, paperwork was still on paper. I remember passing notes in class, owning a journal/scrapbook, and owning hundreds of colored pens.
It’s pretty amazing how quickly smartphones infiltrated our lives; socially and professionally. It’s only been 11 years, but I don’t think we could go back to the way things were.

Spoiled by Smartphones

I think being a little ‘uncomfortable’ is good for people.  A little discipline  keeps you from being a spoiled person. As if the act of giving something up makes a person more mindful; more realistic about whether or not they needed it, and more appreciative of it when they have it.
Most religions ask people to use some type of personal restraint. Most fitness/diet regimes also ask for self-control. Most social societies pressure people to dress a certain way, and behave a certain way.

But in the modern era, people get used to doing whatever they like, because there isn’t as much pressure from social etiquette to keep them from becoming spoiled.
No one’s forced to wear a clean collared shirt every day. It’s not mandatory to keep a tidy home, no one is obligated to be polite/courteous, and no one’s accountable. The modern era doesn’t require people to be decent, so people basically do whatever they like.

I know people who neglect everyone and everything, in order to spend 90% of their life on their phones. It seems like the real-life responsibilities that people should be mindful of, are now in the backseat to their own self-centered natures. They don’t want functioning relationships with other humans, they want entertainment smartphones.
An example,   I was in a restaurant, and at the table behind me was a couple with their infant child. Both adults were on their phones, not talking to each other, nor caring for the infant. They ate in silence. Their baby ate a napkin. Neither parent noticed.

Greenhouse Year2

Adventures with greenhouse. Year 2
Last year, I got a greenhouse and started trying to use it. The weather has been strange and the temperature has been bouncing around.  Hot then cold, stormy then pleasant, rain then shine, all in the same week. Some of last year’s plants appear to have died/hibernated/gone dormant, but half of them seem to have re-emerged with the mostly warm spring weather.

I know some veggies need to be replanted every year, so I saved seeds from last year, and attempted to start the cycle early, but it seems most plants have a mind of their own, and refused to sprout until mid-March. After the frost passed, I opened up the greenhouse and started transplanting sprouts into the yard.
My one and only pumpkin from last year paved the way for this year’s attempt at growing a pumpkin patch. I also attempted to grow watermelons from last year’s seeds.  I might have gone overboard with this, and planted considerably more than I had space for.
Other new sprouts I started this year, are from the collected seeds of grocery store bell peppers.  After eating the pepper, I planted the seeds. Most of them sprouted, but given their small size, I’m not sure if they’ll produce this year.
The onions are doing well, and the garlic. I find that these are immortal, and will continue to re-grow if you replant the portion that had the root.

So far, the tomatoes have been the most bountiful. Not only did 1 plant survive through the winter and continuously produce, but all the totally dead tomato plants from last year have re-emerged as tiny sprouts.
The lemon bush is doing well.  But the store bought jalapeno plant from last year doesn’t look so great, having lost most of its leaves, and not really grown any new ones, yet it seems to be producing from it’s one remaining branch.
Same story with the purchased bell pepper plant and the small avocado tree from last year, which also seems to have gotten sick; slowly losing its twiggy branches over the winter, and is now a twig pole and a dozen shriveling leaves. Maybe the warm weather will bring him back.
New additions include a raspberry bush, strawberry, vine beans, zucchini, and cucumber. They all seem to be doing well.

Now in May, the weather is still unreliable. Some days gloomy and cool, some other days sunny and hot.  A dozen pumpkin and/or watermelon sprouts have survived, and some are starting to flower.
The 5yr old Avocado tree is now taller than I am, but still hasn’t produced a single flower.  The grapefruit tree is healthy and bountiful, but the orange tree is not. I’m also considering getting a grape vine, if only I could find a place to put it.
So far, this year’s garden seems successful.

Convey Confidence, Marketing Matters

You often hear that artists are their own worst critics. For this reason, marketing matters; the way the masses absorb the media allows for greater influence.
Have you ever seen a good trailer for a movie that was dreadful?   Same idea.
The way I see myself and my art, is not the way others see me.  Presenting a favorable concept to the world, even a false one, serves to influence the masses into behaving as if it’s true.
If the only artwork you see from an artist is the very best ones made, then you believe that all the past and future works are just as good, when the artist knows that you’ve only see a small number of the highest-quality pieces they are capable of making, and could not possibly understand the mountain of failed attempts it took to produce just 1 good one.

Fake It Till You Make It. Media defines reality.
I am not terribly confident in real life. But when I write, I write with confidence, and so, my readers believe that I am confident.   Their experience reshapes their reality.

People derive complex pleasures and emotional experiences from media consumption. So Marketing must be done with strategic care in a intentionally-indirect way, making no assumptions about what the viewer actually experiences when they see it. Display an idea that appeals to a viewer on a subconscious level without demanding their affections.
Media is not just entertainment, viewers also get:  information [about the world, events, society, & education]; as well as very real applications of their own personal identity, with values and behaviors; and social integration and interactions with digital mingling, like viewing and being near real-time social exchanges; it’s also amusing, and thus an emotional reprieve.

Try to convince people of something using The McGuire Model of the persuasion process: presentation, attention, comprehension, yielding, retention, overt behavior. Show something in a way that gets the viewers’ attention, and in a way that they’ll understand and accept, so that they’ll  remember it, consequently changing their behavior in their future interactions whenever they come across it again.

Collectables

I recently had a failure to see eye-to-eye with a friend and co-worker, on the topic of novelty tv collectables.
My friend desired for things to be constructed  accurately under the same conditions that it originally  intended for, and I desired for it to look attractive under the present-day conditions.
With similar interest and appreciation for the task at hand, we somehow found ourselves with different inspirations of what a successful completion would be for a newly made item.
I thought that accuracy under the conditions that it originally created was impractical, and would serve no other purpose than to BE an exact re-production of the original,  because it wouldn’t ever be functional in the present setting. And my friend suggested that the most desirable feature of the creation was that it is a  flawless re-production of the original.

This is a concept that I’ve been struggling to understand for the past several days. How is an impractical thing more valuable than a similar but more practical thing?
I do not understand for what purpose people are making/buying cinema accurate collectables.  This fan made item wasn’t actually used by the actors in the movie, yet for some reason, it’s made to their measurements.   So these things aren’t really useable to the average person, or even to the person who made them.
So  other than having a quality artwork piece on the wall, why are so many people buying them? It’s not a new and creative idea, and it’s not for the items value itself; because the more of these that are made, the less rare they are, the lower their resell value.
I am positively baffled by the concept of high-end cinema memorabilia that is deliberately constructed as nonfunctional; seeing as how they’re newly constructed, wouldn’t it be better if they were made more functional?

Work Less, Spend Smart

Financial freedom is a practical desire, but for many people in the 24-34 age group, it’s just a fantasy.  In the Bay Area, costs of living are simply too high for young people to consider their financial choices. ‘Saving for the future’ never really caught on, especially since many Millennials have been burdened with college loan debts for all of our adult lives.   A lifetime of debt is a reality that most of us have come to accept as normal.
So of course, Millennials fantasize about being financially stable.

I read a Time.com article this week, about an emerging group of Millennials that are passionate about the idea of early retirement:  ‘A Growing Cult of Millennials is Obsessed with Early Retirement. This 72-Year- Old is Their Unlikely Inspiration’.  What surprised me about it, was that in the past 5 months, I had also become very interested in planning for my own retirement.
The inspirational woman from the article, recommended smarter spending habits and not relying on employment to keep afloat [finding sources of income that aren’t contingent on working the 40-hr/week].

Retirement isn’t what it used to be.  No one stays at the same company for 30-yrs anymore; no one plans long-term, contributing to a 401k with predictable future returns. And young retirees don’t necessarily have to amass enough money to last the rest of their lives, but just enough so that they don’t need to depend on a 40-hr job to cover their main expenses.  Invest wisely [in ETFs or real-estate], then be frugal; have a relationship with your money, find out how much you actually need, and buy less stuff.
Assuming a person has a skill set or resources, there are things they could do to economize their living expenses, spend their income better, and find more time for the things they desire. Retirement is long, and young retirees are going to need some activities to occupy all that time.
SO at the end of the day, if the charm of early retirement is in Not working a 40-hr/week job, then there’s already a solution; work less.
Once the living expenses are under control, you’ll be able to do some type of part-time work, the key is looking for jobs that don’t soak up a lot of time; renting out space, consulting, tutoring, transporting, independent contract work, child or elder care, online reselling, helper jobs, ect.

Stuck in the Waiting Line

I know a dozen people [aged 25-30] that can’t seem to think long-term enough to get past the ‘wishful thinking’ phase.   They have desires for a fine future, but seem powerless to start working toward that future. Even simple things like having a hobby, learning a new skill, keeping a tidy home.         I realize that the Millennial generation may never reach the traditional milestones  of past generations, because we’re struggling to accept our own adult responsibilities, like: basic home/car maintenance, healthy diets, financial responsibility. It’s like we’re stuck in the waiting line, unable to truly  get started on our real-life adult endeavors.

I read an article several years ago, about how the popularity of fantasy and science fiction in current movies/hobbies/games is a symptom of a depressed generation which prefers to experience their leisure activities in fiction because their reality isn’t enjoyable. And several years later, it’s still true.

Of every acquaintance I have in real life, only 2 are married, both are careless, only 1 owns property, and neither have children. Despite the mounting social pressure to get married and start families, no one in this age group seems truly capable of successfully achieving it to the standards that past generations expect.
We aren’t well-rounded, we’re a generation of dreamers, burdened by our social-political-economical situations, twiddling our days away because there’s no end in sight.     Consider IF people living during the 1930s Great Depression knew that it would eventually end, or if every single person  worried everyday about  their friends and neighbors who were going to die in poverty because things were never going to get better.

Sweat

Quite suddenly I find myself preferring cooler weather to warmer weather.  I say suddenly, but in reality this could’ve been a gradual change over the past year. It might be because of my ever increasing stress threshold, and subsequent  sweating  because of it. This doesn’t exactly solve my stress problem, but cooler weather would be a remedy for the sweats.
This new temperature preference occurred to me when the first heat wave of Spring arrived, and I found myself rushing home to wrap a wet towel around my face and neck to cool myself down. Apparently the 20 minutes of direct sunlight the side of my head gets in the car ride home was enough to shock me into heat exhaustion.
Maybe if the weather was cooler, I wouldn’t be such a hot mess all the time.