self-worth

Rewards and Punishments

Posted on by nonsenseelisa

I find that there aren’t really rewards for doing everything  you’re supposed to do in everyday life, but there are punishments if you don’t do them.   If  I don’t do my household chores; dishes, laundry, groceries. Then I will be punished with no clean plates, or clean socks, or  food. But there’s no special prize for doing them,  things just carry on normally.  No one gets an added reward for good housekeeping. No one gets a party for successful adulting.
So how do I know that I’ve earned a reward?
If praise comes from within,  how do you know you’ve done enough? and how large a reward have you earned?
– I’ve never been sure where some people get their confidence from. Are they spoiled for believing that they deserve luxury goods and indulgences, when they haven’t worked or sacrificed to have earned them? or should all people be encouraged to reward themselves on any given day for no good reason?
Should I accept an unhealthy dinner option if I haven’t exercised that week? Can I even call it a reward if it hurts me in the future?
How can I be kinder to myself within reason, so that I am not robbing myself of an opportunity later in life, and Learn to express my self-compassion in moderation, so that I’m not getting in my own way.
These are all things that I quietly think to myself in moments of painful indecision.
Of course it is still possible to be punished  instead of rewarded even when everything is done correctly.  If someone is exemplary at their job, they know that they’ve earned a promotion, but if they’re too good at their job, management will keep them at the task that they’re best at.  And they do not get a promotion.  If that industry is shifting, eventually, that skill will either become outdated or outsourced for a cheaper option.
I could be the most dedicated gardener, but still not have any flowers. It’s not a punishment to not be successful, and It’s not a reward to be sucessful.

You’ll never get what you want, if you don’t know what it is

Posted on by nonsenseelisa

Hard decisions are only hard because compromises have to be made. Deciding that you want to do something, removes the option to do something else.  it’s an Opportunity Cost.  A person can’t have both, but a person can elect to have neither.    And even if it’s possible to do both, a person must identify what their ultimate goal is, in order to track their progress.     You’ll never get what you want, if you don’t know what it is that you want.

People affectionately refer to uncharacteristic behavior as ‘soul searching’.
Yesterday, my coworker Alex spontaneously quit and moved to Australia.   It wasn’t a vacation that Alex had meticulously planned for a year, or a strategic career move to work at a foreign branch, or a life-goal to see a show at the Sydney Opera House. It was an unexpected life-change, fueled by a sudden realization that Alex wanted something, enough to give up what was already had.

Understand yourself. Identify the thing that excites you. Often, a person is already dabbling at the thing that fuels their soul, without fully appreciating that it is.
I struggle with myself, and resisted the idea that what I was doing was anything valuable. But I think the key is to think in terms of tangible products which can be put forward to demonstrate what you’re driven to do.
Art needs to be seen. Music needs to be heard. The process has to be shown.
In order to be appreciated, skills have to be utilized. A persons talent should be in a spot light.    So, despite how unfitting it feels to put my abilities in full view, I have to believe that being visible will lead to being valued.

worried sick / sick of worrying

Posted on by nonsenseelisa

Having things to do takes up so much of my head space, that I can’t think about anything else. It’s as if my head space was a literal tray with a few basics items on it, and any extra tasks make it so burdensome that I can’t breathe until I solve the additional tasks.
This week, my head space is cluttered with non-essentials. Things that might’ve been desirable at one point, but currently appear to be a nuisance. I can’t seem to shake this feeling of sudden panic.
I heard that people respond better to positive indicators.  Instead of saying that bad things will happen if you don’t do something, you should say that  what you’re doing is good, and only a little ways away from being outstanding. Thinking Positivity helps reframe the situations. Rewarding the small improvements, instead of bracing for the failures.      I’ve also heard that Immersion is the best type of therapy. Building up a tolerance by Confronting the things that trouble you.
I’ve explored about some self-improvement strategies which include telling your own story; writing your own narrative, setting ambitious goals, and striving for them.  But honestly, I’m not ambitious.
My research suggests that  people fail because of 3 reasons:  not having a goal, doing something poorly, or not trying at all because of the belief that you would not be successful at it.  [the results, the process, the self].
It’s my own self-doubt that troubles me.  My goal is to do something well, but I always feel like I’m doing it poorly, so I constantly want to give it all up.  Even though I’ve been successfully doing it for years, the feeling hasn’t gone away. Despite my  accomplished track record, my anxiety constantly pushes me toward give up.
It doesn’t matter what’s tangibly obtainable, like: a job, a prize, or milestone. Because I never feel like it’s mine.

Relationships with Work

Posted on by nonsenseelisa

I spend more time at my work than I do on anything else. More time, and effort, and brainpower, goes into my work than anything else I do. A reasonable person wouldn’t do unreasonable quantities of work unless it was worth the money. ‘Be fair to yourself’. An expendable employee shares no stake in the company. An employee could be easily replaced, and the company would continue. I am a employee, and I plan my life around work, I also think it’s absurd that ‘work’ takes us for granted.
-These are some general thoughts I have every year when I see my W-2s, after I do a quick rundown of my expenses. I think it’s important to recognize when you’re being taken advantage of, and when your relationship is unhealthy.

About 2 years ago, my office underwent a substantial security upgrade. All the employees were given new handbooks with tighter restrictions. We all anticipated that these new constraints would be recognized as an inconvenience and we would be compensated accordingly. But it didn’t happen. – We are now in the 3rd year, and the mass majority of us still have not received any sort of dependable raise. So, I think it’s fair to say that we are in a bad relationship with a company that doesn’t appreciate us.
I asked for a raise last year. They simply told me that if they felt I had value, then it would be lumped into my Christmas bonus. Meaning that the company gets to accrue interest on my bonus all year, while I slowly go bankrupt. [On paper it was only ~1% increase from last year]. Like a bad relationship, this company is egotistic, and treats its workers like we’re insignificant.

I know I shouldn’t complain, but I’ve got to be fair to myself. The cost of living is only going up, and I can’t possibly survive on an income that never does. Every year that I work, I have 1 more year of experience, but am somehow valued the same.
A ‘career’ is an antiquated concept, because the new generation barely has ‘employment’. Millennials all slipped into poverty because they were tricked into paying for educations that they didn’t need, to work at jobs that won’t lead to careers.  I have concerns that the company where I work is starving us out; denying us value/rank, just to see how much indifference we are willing to endure. Chipping away at our self-worth until we don’t think we deserve any better. Like an abusive lover, or a fascist government.